I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
