I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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