you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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