the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
