I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
