My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
honey bunches of taint.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
