Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
