so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
