did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
