if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
