The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
