is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
