the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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