I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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