I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
