HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
