NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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