I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
