so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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