Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
the liver wants what the liver wants
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
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I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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