shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
