Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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