Define "chronic" masturbator.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
