these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
