it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Still dying that you shit outside
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
