I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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