So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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