your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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