you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
