Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
