dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
