im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
