I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
