I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
