my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
