I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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