I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
