I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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