I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
