i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
