He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
