please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
