Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize