halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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