We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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