I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
