college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize