I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
