One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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