Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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