I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
is it fun? or sober?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
