It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
