let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
