areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
