tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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