I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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