Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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