It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
