Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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