We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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