can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Randomize
