i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
