he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
