So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
