in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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