dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
