Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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