How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
