HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
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You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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