How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
