Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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