we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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