I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
