they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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