Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
They took my balls.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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